I may need to visit them again.

What am I doing on this totally uninspiring rainy day?
I just finished writing a letter to a company that offered me a job that I am declining.
Restless all nigh every time I woke that thought of what to do about my job comes into my head. My still laying in bed brain thought I should contact a psychic and they would give me some guidance. I goggled some that I could drive to even found one in town. I didn't contact them instead I did the next best thing and called my mom.
Her advice was open ended. She seems to always end her advice of what I should do with my life as just leave it all behind and move closer to me. Even if I don't get the right advice because I don't know what is the right advice I at least got to vent to a buyice loving person and this makes me feel better for a little while till I realise I am still trying to figure everything out.
 I call the decision maker my husband at work. He tells me out right to not even think about taking the job. It is the same work for less pay and less benefits and crazy schedule. He makes it sound so simple.
I think about it for a while but I know I have to be on the same page as my husband because my decision effects the whole family just not me. For me the new job would be great. But having a family this job doesn't have any benefits for anyone but me. It is mentally and physically easier for me. The people I would be working with are more likable.
I guess I have a lot of factors right now to add to this crazy decision. I have been having issues with my kidneys and am at a stand still as what will be happening to me. If I have to have an operation on my kidneys I will need the benefits of my current employer. so I couldn't even move forward until I find this out.
If I pull myself together an make a stand for what I feel will be a better outcome in the long run for me mentally and take this job offer and something dose happen in the negative factor of courses the blame and shame and guilt will be more then I could handle.
If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present
I will visit the company in person being they sent me home from my interview with an orientation binder I need to return and I will bring her a perennial from my garden as she mentioned she need plants I hope to leave this company on good terms cause I may need to visit them again.